According to the ancient Mayan calendar, something will occur on Dec. 21, 2012, that could lead to the demise of the human race. Just what that event is no one knows.
Could it be a rare cosmic alignment of planets and stars threatening our existence? Will the sun spew a “super” solar storm disrupting all electronic devices? (It’s crazy enough around here when we lose power for just a few hours) Or will the Earth’s magnetic poles flip, causing destructive weather patterns? This phenomenon is not to be confused with global warming — though I’m sure someone will blame our existence for it.
There are two things I can predict with certainty this year. I predict 2012 will be one full day longer with 366 days instead of 365. And this year’s presidential election will be contentious. For other more difficult predictions I must rely on my trusty crystal ball.
I finally located the mystical orbital sphere in the downstairs closet behind the tattered remnants of an old Monopoly game. After a thorough cleaning I posed my questions carefully and jotted down the answers appearing in the glass. Here they are in no particular order:
1. Mitt Romney will win the Republican nomination. He’ll pick either Florida Sen. Marco Rubio or New Mexico Gov. Susana Martinez as his running mate. Either selection helps him with the Latino/Hispanic votes he will certainly need to win.
2. President Barack Obama will tap Hillary Clinton as his vice presidential running mate. This selection is not so much because current vice president Joe Biden is a buffoon, but more because Obama believes the American electorate is gullible enough to once again cast their votes to achieve an historical first — this time a woman.
3. The United States Supreme Court will rule against Obamacare. If Justices refer to the original document framed by our founding fathers and not the European version, then this law will be struck down. Let’s face it, if our federal government is granted the power to force its citizens to buy health insurance then what’s next? The cars we drive, the food we eat, the doctors we see? Wait a minute …
4. The two parking spaces located directly in front of the old Herrick Building in downtown Placerville will remain blocked through 2012. Anyone hearing a crumbling sound from the building’s direction is advised to run into the street for safety. If we believe the city’s rationale for this parking inconvenience then we might as well ban parking in front of every building downtown — out of fear other buildings are unsafe for pedestrians walking our sidewalks.
5. Syrian President Bashar al-Assad will be toppled from office. Neither Iranian assistance nor the international media’s adoration for al-Assad’s British born wife Asma will be enough to keep this Middle East thug in power.
6. And speaking of thugs, Venezuelan President (dictator) Hugo Chavez will cede power as his health condition worsens after removal of a cancerous tumor from his pelvis.
7. Life at EID will return to normal as early friction between current directors on the board evaporates just like the abnormally dry season we’re experiencing this year. Reduced snowfall accumulation thus far could lead to more than a few headaches for area ski resorts.
8. The Sacramento Kings will announce their departure. Selling off city parking rights won’t raise enough capital in the capital. This coming from a Boston Celtic fan.
9. President Obama receives the Oscar nomination for “Best Actor.” Although he didn’t lower sea levels as promised or improve the economy, he was very successful as portraying President Jimmy Carter in the new hit movie “Hope you liked the Change.” His golf game didn’t suffer any either.
10. MSNBC news anchor Chris Matthews suddenly learns he’s lost that tingle down his leg when he sees the presidential election results come November.
Richard Esposito in publisher of Village Life. You can reach him at [email protected].