Billingsley’s Bullets: My brain is a tad scrambled
Some readers have asked me why I don’t stick to one subject when I write the “Billingsley Bullets” column. My usual response is I am not mature enough to write a one-subject column. Also, when I was growing up my Uncle Tillman liked the idea that my brain was scrambled.
Dealing with one subject in a column also requires patience and discipline, which are not close cousins of mine.
• Have you noticed that men are kind of dumb when it comes to communicating with their wives? When their wife says, “What did you just say to me?” most males are not smart enough to just shut up or suddenly not be able to remember what they just said 30 seconds ago.
• Instead, men will repeat what they said, and the verbal fight is on. Many men believe their mouth is a weapon, and they have to get in the last word. Getting in the last word is not a victory. Even if you manage to get in the last word, you will pay later.
• If your wife says anything to you with her hands on her hips, trouble is right around the corner. At least act contrite until she lifts her hands from her hips.
• When my wife calls me “Buster” or “My Dear,” I stop whatever I am doing. “Buster” and “My Dear” are warning flags, and my best bet is to wave a white flag … immediately.
• Did you read or hear the exciting news that a “leap second” was added to synchronize the planet’s official atomic clocks? The second was added because our planet is spinning two milliseconds longer than it did 100 years ago. This is the kind of news that keeps me awake at night!
• I use this earth-turning-slower as a convenient alibi. When I miss a tennis shot, I explain to my tennis partner that the slower spinning of the earth is to blame for my errant shot.
• If you step on your dancing partner’s foot, blame the “leap second” which has been added.
• When the police officer starts to write you a speeding ticket, explain that our planet is spinning two milliseconds longer, and you were trying to make up for the slower spinning of our earth. If the police officer is a scientist, you may avoid a ticket.
• About six years ago my doctor took an x-ray of my right knee after I told him my knee was sore and painful, especially after I played a couple of hours of tennis. The x-ray revealed that I had degenerative arthritis, and my doctor said it will only get worse with time. I started wearing a knee brace to play tennis. About six months after wearing the brace, I started reading books about Eastern philosophy and began meditating in the early morning. I also started visualizing that my right knee was fine and the degenerative arthritis no longer existed. Within 90 days I removed the knee brace and have played pain-free tennis for the last five years.
• There is no scientific explanation for my now trouble-free knee. My tennis game is in great shape, and I am thankful for the blessing of a healthy knee. My doctor is amazed, and I am playing three to five hours of tennis, weekly.
• Sometimes the mind or faith is more powerful than logic. As Albert Einstein stated, “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”
• Buddha teachings advocate that you do not allow an old person to enter your body. I am counting on continuing to convince my old knee that it is not old and is getting younger every day.
Bob Billingsley is an El Dorado Hills resident and also a columnist at the Mountain Democrat.