50 shades of destruction to our kids

By From page A5 | June 13, 2012

Julie Samrick

I can see why “50 Shades of Grey” has enamored grown women everywhere. The story of recent college graduate Anastasia Steele’s dark and sexually charged relationship with extremely wealthy, dashingly handsome Christian Grey has only one hitch — Grey’s kinky, S&M fetishes are non-negotiable if Ana wants to be his girlfriend.  Christian is as deviant as Ana is chaste, yet Ana must decide whether to go to the dark side or stay true to her own convictions.

This is no otherworldly vampire book or farfetched tale about kids forced to kill one another like the other recent megahits “Twilight” and “The Hunger Games.” This book is much more dangerous in the hands of young readers it’s trickling down to because it exploits something very real — love and commitment, and what young people should expect they deserve when navigating their first romantic feelings or relationships.

“50 Shades of Grey” depicts the train wreck sort of relationship many young people experience in their teens and 20s but it goes one step further. It’s the classic story of a good girl desperately trying to reach a bad boy, to be the only one who can ultimately save him with the power of her love alone. Most of us know how this ends — plenty of heartbreak is a given and good is usually corrupted. At worst, the good girl becomes jaded to trust and commitment.

For women in healthy marriages “50 Shades” offers a voyeuristic peek (no S&M pun initially intended) into a relationship anyone with real life experience knows is doomed. Though this is what keeps us reading, we can’t take our eyes off the train wreck even though we know we should really look away.

An ordinary character like Ana normalizes the deviance of the S&M world, while sex is characterized as demented, lonely, and free from respect or commitment. Again, that might not be so troubling for the swarms of married ladies giggling over this book in their book clubs. What does concern me is the thought of high school girls getting their hands on it — warping them, making the fringe lifestyle of bondage, whips and sexual torture commonplace.

Many young people want to read the book simply because they’re watching their mothers read it now. It’s no different than some kids bragging they’d seen “9 ½ Weeks” when I was a kid because we’d all heard the buzz about it on the schoolyard.  My son recently begged me to read “The Hunger Games” for much of this past school year to no avail. He didn’t even know what it’s about, but he did hear lots of kids talking about it at school. Many of his fourth-grade classmates then watched the PG-13 movie (which is even more violent than the book), which surprised me. Kids aren’t as experienced in deciphering such heavy ideas as we are.

The fact that the franchise has spawned a return to hair braids in young girls’ fashion is proof that “The Hunger Games” has trickled down to kids. My 10-year-old niece recently attended a “Hunger Games”-inspired archery birthday party. After learning more about the plot, my sister was the only mom who didn’t also let her daughter attend the movie afterward.

Today many girls in ninth and 10th grade identify as “cougars,” going after younger, less experienced middle school boys. The term became popular with “Sex and the City,” a show that is now rerun on cable television and heralded by a new generation of young fans. The prequel to Carrie Bradshaw’s story, set during her teenage years, is set to hit the big screen soon. Who do you think the target audience will be?

With this current trend, I envision “whips,” “chains” and “bondage” becoming conversational terms in high school cafeterias across America and I cringe to think of it.

Julie Samrick is the mother of four children and a resident of El Dorado Hills. She is also the founder of, a site for current children’s issues.

Julie Samrick

Discussion | 4 comments

  • DarleenJune 10, 2012 - 12:03 am

    Very well written article on our opinion. While I can appreciate your viewpoint - I wonder if it is no different than 1971 and The Happy Hooker novel? As teens we snuck it in between other books, and also read under stairwells at school with other girls. We were taught sex education in class, but this taught us about sex. If it were not for that book I would have been 30 years old before discovering fellatio was not a fancy type of pizza. We had discussions about sex versus love, prostitution, and multiple other topics that were not taught in school. We were smart enough and had been raised with enough values to understand the difference between just sex, prostitution and committed love. As for the hunger games - it is a satire - a story. It is not encouraging sending our children to fight to death, but making us take a look at what we call 'reality'. As or a party theme, I tend to agree that is bad taste for children party. Whips, chains, bondage and more have been topics for 40 years at least - so about time is acknowledged :)

  • JasonJune 11, 2012 - 7:55 pm

    Great article...sad that books like this are making these topics "normal." It certainly wasn't normal for me growing up...maybe because my parents taught me better. Sex shouldn't be a separate topic from love and commitment.

  • OpinionatedJune 11, 2012 - 8:12 pm

    It doesn't sound like the author or any of you other posters actually read the books. It is a three book series. The deviant sexual behavior is portrayed as just that - deviant. In the end, love prevails and the deviant sexual behavior stops. The characters marry, have two beautiful children, and live happily ever after. The heroine is a strong, female character who doesn't let go of her morals or beliefs about life and love. No, I don't want my teenage daughter reading it because of the graphic sexuality, but I think Ms. Samrick completely missed the message of the books.

  • Julie SamrickJune 11, 2012 - 10:01 pm

    I read the first book, but if what you say happens I am even more concerned about the themes. It gives the impression that battering, physically harmful, sexually deviant boyfriends can be reformed and made into good husbands.



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